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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Pequod's Pizza

fromSasha Kaun
dateMon, Mar 23, 2009 at 4:27 PM
subjectPequods Pizza


I am writing to apply for the position of dough maker. I excel at making dough. It is one of the few things I do well.

You see, many years ago I lost most functionality of my hand in an unfortunate revolving door incident. Total repair was not an option so instead of living with a disfigured hand the rest of my life, I decided to have a hook implanted instead. I have always been infatuated with pirates so I quite enjoyed being fitted for my hook. Most days I dress like Captain Hook. I have been involved in many carnivals, re-enactments, and Bar Mitzvahs. Although I do have to wear a mask when I sleep to keep from gouging my eyes out, my life has been pretty pleasant.

However, in this post 9/11 economy, people are not spending as much money as previously on garishly dressed men (even with the hook!). Money has been a little tight around my house. Therefore, I would like to apply for the position of making dough. I can use my hook to my advantage over normal two-handed humans. I make great dough! Please hire me! You KNEAD me!

Can I wear my pirate costume while making the dough? I think this would be a great addition to the restaurant. I will even talk like a pirate. ARRRRRRRRRight?

Please let me know what the next step will be. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you,
Sasha Kaun

toSasha Kaun
dateMon, Mar 23, 2009 at 5:54 PM
subjectRe: Pequods Pizza

Dear Sasha,

Thank you for your interest in Pequod's Pizza. Unfortunately at this time we do not have any positions available within our kitchen area for dough maker. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.


Michelle Collina

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