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Friday, August 28, 2009

Purdue/Swine Flu

fromSasha Kaun
dateThu, Aug 20, 2009 at 10:16 PM
subjectPurdue/Swine Flu


I am a prospective student of Purdue. On my recent visit, a student told me in the dining hall that the swine flu originated from the Purdue female student body. Is this true? What did he mean? Please let me know as soon as possible.



fromBeck, Dana S
toSasha Kaun
dateFri, Aug 21, 2009 at 6:53 AM
subjectRE: Purdue/Swine Flu

I believe this person was misinformed.

What they told you was definitely false.

Perhaps they meant it as a joke (though a poor one).

Please view the following websites to find out more about swine flu

Thank you,


Friday, August 21, 2009


fromSasha Kaun
dateThu, Aug 20, 2009 at 3:25 PM

Hello Brandy,

Hello Brandy! My name is Sasha. The reason I am writing this is because I am coming to Peru next Monday to visit Machu Picchu but I have been unable to find information on your website. I heard early fall was a good time to visit. Perhaps I am spelling it wrong? I look very much forward to visiting. I am coming as a graduation gift! What else should I plan to do in Peru? I heard that I must eat cuy (guinea pig!).

Please advise me. I have attached some pictures of things I would like to see on my journey, but I am very much open to suggestions. I will be in Peru for one week.

Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you,


fromEd Schiffler
dateFri, Aug 21, 2009 at 10:31 AM
subjectRe: Peru

Hello Sasha,

That is a very nice name. Brandy Mc Donald asked me to answer your email, My name is Ed Schiffler and I am his assistant. Brandy is the Chairman of the Peru Democratic party.

You may want to recheck your travel arrangements with your travel agent to insure you will not get any unwanted surprises when you arrive at your destination.

Brandy and I are located in the small Town of Peru, NY 12972. It is located Northern New York State about 35 miles south of the Canadian Border. We are located on Lake Champlain and are directly across the lake from Burlington, VT.

I may have some bad news, you state that you want to visit and see things at Machu Picchu. That is not in Peru, NY. You must go to South America to see that.

I would like to take this opportunity to invite you to Peru, NY. If you were to come to Peru, NY you would see the Adirondack Mountains, lots and lots of cows and lots and lots of McIntosh apple trees. We can make arrangements for you attend one of out Town meetings they are always fun to attend. There is always a lot of shouting and arguing going on.. The local news paper (Plattsburgh Pressrepublican) says the we have a dysfunctional group, that are a drain on the tax payers money and never accomplish anything. They are really fun to watch and it of course free entertainment.

I never got into eating guinea pigs, so I cannot comment on that. I did have one for a pet, when I was a child and he was a fat little critter, but I did not eat him.

I hope I have answered all you questions


Thursday, August 20, 2009

Ed Hardy Gift Certificate

fromSasha Kaun
dateMon, Aug 17, 2009 at 6:00 PM
subjectEd Hardy Gift Certificate

Hello George,

Recently, as a birthday present, my friend Laynce got me a gift certificate for the Ed Hardy "NJDoucher" shirt. I am very excited to get my shirt as I have never before had a $62 shirt. Most of the shirts I own are in the measly $30 range. Peasant wear if you will!

My problem: I went onto your website to purchase this particular shirt, but I couldn't find it. The "NJDoucher" is the particular shirt I want because my friend Laynce said that it represented my personality the best. Perhaps it is not available online?

Please let me know as soon as possible what might be causing this little mix-up.

I look forward to hearing from you,

toSasha Kaun
dateTue, Aug 18, 2009 at 1:47 PM
subjectRE: Ed Hardy Gift Certificate

I have never heard of such a t shirt. Do you have a picture?

SIG 8-6


Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail


fromSasha Kaun
dateTue, Aug 18, 2009 at 2:11 PM
subjectRe: Ed Hardy Gift Certificate


Thank you for your response. I think this is a close representation. Please let me know if you have it in stock.


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

McLeon County Jail

fromSasha Kaun
dateTue, Aug 18, 2009 at 1:32 PM
subjectMcLeon County Jail

Sheriff Emery,

I have heard that it is impossible to escape from your jail and that many have tried, but none have succeeded. I am Twark the Terrific Terrible. For I am terrific and terrible all at the same time. Also, I am a twark. My father was a twark. His father was a twark. His father was a yenner, but his father was a twark. As you can see, twarking runs in the family.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am really good at getting out of tight spaces. I am 4'11" and 219 pounds (I did weigh less, but I overindulged on Grandmother's kolachi during Easter dinner). Don't worry, I will shed the pounds in no time. Once some strangers put me in their trunk and drove towards the river where they were going to see if I floated. However, I escaped during the drive without them noticing. I went to McDonalds to celebrate. For I am Twark the Terrific Terrible. Another time I was locked into a closet by mistake. There were 19 of us in this closet and many, believing none of us would ever get out and eventually die, began to panic. However, my talent came in very handy and I was able to get out in no time. I then went to Denny's and got pancakes. Like I said, I am really good at getting out of tight spaces. I can fit in air vents and almost every major appliance.

I would like to be locked into jail on September 19, 2009 in the evening. Don't worry about feeding me, I will eat a heavy lunch. I do not expect any special treatment. Please place me in the most confined area. Do you hand out mixed nuts to prisoners? You will not even know I am there. By the time the sun rises on the 20th, I will be gone. For I am Twark the Terrible Terrific. This is what I specialize in. Do you have a Dairy Queen in town? What about a railroad? Please let me know if this date will work for you. If not, let me know what day I should expect to visit. I am very busy getting out of tight places. I like dancing so I will be able to help you make your jail impossible to escape from. Just like Denzel Washington helping the drug force at the end of American Gangster. Did you like that movie? I did. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sasha Kaun
(Twark the Terrible Terrific)


fromEmery, Mike
toSasha Kaun
dateTue, Aug 18, 2009 at 3:54 PM
subjectRE: McLeon County Jail


Thank you for this communication and concern for the security of the McLean County Detention Facility. Based on the Illinois Department of Corrections Jail Standards your services are not required.


Sheriff Emery

Monday, August 17, 2009


fromSasha Kaun
dateFri, Aug 14, 2009 at 5:36 PM

Hello Brandon,

I have recently moved to USA from Russia. I like Cincinnati. It is very good town. My favorite team is the Reds. This is why I moved to Cincinnati. I want to support the Communist baseball team. My parents call long distance and say "how is America? Are you still a Communist?!" and I reply "Yes Mama! The Reds are the best!" (even though they are in 5th; although I remind my friends that it is a 6 team division!). I particularly like it when that Marty Brennaman says "this one belongs to the Reds!". It is really refreshing to think a city in America supports Communism as much as I do! I have noticed many bobblehead days! When is Stalin bobblehead day or Lenin bobblehead day? I very much want to get one for my parents. Thank you very much!

I look forward to hearing from you!



fromBrandon Bowman
toSasha Kaun
dateMon, Aug 17, 2009 at 8:34 AM
subjectRE: Reds


Thank you for your support of the Reds and am glad you enjoy Marty Brennaman. I wanted to let you know that we will not be doing any Stalin or Lenin bobbleheads as the Reds are not in any way affiliated with Communism. Thanks

Brandon Bowman
Trafficking Coordinator

Great American Ball Park

100 Joe Nuxhall Way

Cincinnati, OH 45202-4109

Office 513-765-7036

Fax 513-765-7153