Sasha likes soup!

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Monday, March 29, 2010


From: sasha
Sent: Thursday, February 18, 2010 11:20 PM
To: []
Subject: Contact Submission Confirmation


Hello Indiana,

I am scheduled to fly into Indianapolis airport on February 27. I am flying all the way from Russia to Indiana to visit Pawnee, Indiana. I am a huge fan of the people of Pawnee from viewing them on the American television program Parks and Recreation. Are you familiar with this American television program? I have spent much of my free time over the last two months sewing together a quilt which I plan to present to Lesile Knope for display in the Pawnee government building. I really looking forward to meeting her and seeing how the new park is coming along. I am also very excited to see Tom Haverford. He is very funny and attractive and I hope to share a drink with him. Can you send me instructions on how I can get to Pawnee from Indianapolis? Is there a speedy train connecting the two or will I be forced to rent a car? How much do train tickets cost? Please let me know if I need to purchase them early. I look forward to hearing from you.



dateFri, Feb 19, 2010 at 9:25 AM
subjectRE: Contact Submission Confirmation

Pawnee, Indiana does not exist, it is a fictional setting for the television show.

For more information about Parks and Recreation, see the TV show website -

For direction in and around Indiana, please utilize Google maps –

Anicia Richardson

Marketing and Tourism Sales Manager

Indiana Office of Tourism Development

1 N Capitol, Ste. 600

Indianapolis, IN 46204


317.233.6887 f


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Harry is Handy

fromSasha Kaun <>
dateTue, Mar 2, 2010 at 5:36 PM
subjectHarry is Handy

Hello Ms. Waller,

I am writing this for information about starting a new business in Madison. I was recently laid off and am thinking about starting my own junk removal company. The name of my business is Harry is Handy. I want people to know how Handy we are. It is named after my son, Harry, who was named after Prince Harry. I hope my son will one day aspire to be the Prince of Whales. Although with the recent Sea World death, perhaps he should aspire to be the Prince of Dolphins. However, I digress. My business will specialize in removing stuff you don't want/need. Harry's Handy will do this for you. Our motto will be "Harry's Handy: Give me your junk". Sometimes, people are just too busy or lazy to handle their own junk so we will do it for them. I guarantee our service will be excellent. We will provide customers with the best Handy job any company can provide. We will have a full-money guarantee if you are not satisfied. Our contacts will include the sentence "if you are not satisfied with the service you got from Harry's Handy, you get all your money back guaranteed!" If we cannot please the customer, we are not doing our job. I hope that all our customers say we did the Best Job possible.

Please let me know if you still have any questions regarding my possible business. I will not have any need for a brick and mortar building so what permits/applications will I need to start operating.

I look forward to hearing from you,


fromLouann Waller
toSasha Kaun
dateWed, Mar 3, 2010 at 6:28 AM
subjectRE: Harry is Handy

Good Morning Sasha,

One question that first comes to mind – what do you plan to do with the junk – storage? Also, business signage? I will check with the City Clerk to see if you would be required for any permits – I’ll let you know.




fromSasha Kaun <>
toLouann Waller
dateWed, Mar 3, 2010 at 8:19 AM
subjectRe: Harry is Handy


Thank you for your quick response. My original idea was to take the trash to a landfill with the customer paying the fee. I want to reiterate, I will not by playing around with their junk. This is strictly business. I am a professional. However, I did play collegiate basketball at Kansas so if they don't mind me messing around with their balls, I probably will. I might let the customer challenge me to a game of HORSE for $15 off their fee. I am really good and can really stroke it from deep.

Let me know what the City Clerk says. Again, Harry's Handy will just be me, a couple of hired employees, and my truck providing the best Handy jobs Madison has ever seen. No building needed!
Thanks and I look forward to hearing back from you.


fromLouann Waller
toSasha Kaun <>,
Dave Adams
dateThu, Mar 4, 2010 at 2:14 PM
subjectRE: Harry is Handy

I have checked with our City Clerk, Dave Adams, who tells me as long as you don’t go door to door advertising you will not require a city permit. However, he would appreciate you letting us know if/when you start your business and contact information.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Race Relations

fromSasha Kaun <>
toACLU-NJ Legal Intake
dateTue, Mar 2, 2010 at 12:51 PM
subjectRace Relations


I was told to contact your organization about race relations. I am very excited I found your organizations and would like to inquire about membership. Additionally, I would like to provide several suggestions to improving race relations.

1. If a driver causes a car to crash, they must pay for their damages. Drivers would think twice about spinning cars.
2. If a driver causes a car to crash, they are penalized a set number of points (say 100), and those points are given to the cars you wrecked.
3. Jimmie Johnson becomes the official police officer of NASCAR. He is too good. No one can beat him. Therefore, he would drive a police car and if a driver cuts off another driver or speeds down pit lane he will put them over and issue them a warning or a ticket depending on the severity.
4. Turn signals. 200 miles and hour and you are not using turn signals? Seriously? Got to have them. This improves race relations because drivers no longer will cut off other drivers.
5. If a driver lets you in, then it should be common courtesy for you to give the thank-you wave.

Please let me know what you think of these ideas. Also, please let me know what I will need to do to join your organization. Thanks!


fromACLU-NJ Legal Intake
to"sasha" <>
dateTue, Mar 2, 2010 at 1:59 PM
subjectRE: Your Request for Assistance from ACLU-NJ

Dear Sasha:

What do you mean by "race relations"? Are you talking about racial discrimination or race car driving? If it is the latter, we have no opinion on the subject. The American Civil Liberties Union of New Jersey deals with cases where civil liberties and/or civil rights have been violated. We have nothing to do with race car driving.


A. Herrarte
Intake Manager

Friday, March 5, 2010

Spring Game

fromSasha Kaun <>
dateFri, Mar 5, 2010 at 1:55 PM
subjectSpring Game

Hello Coach Lynch,

I sent a previous email, but it must have gotten lost in the mail!
First, I just wanted to say that I am a firm supporter of yourself and the IU football program. I think, over time, we will develop into a program that represents Indiana University very well. However, I recently had a conflict in my schedule and perhaps you could alleviate it.

My problem: I told my friend I would meet up with him at the Notre Dame spring game in South Bend. He is an ND alum, but I never see him because he is married so I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to hang out. Married people are the worst! However, I recently discovered that Little 500 is THE SAME WEEKEND! What am I supposed to do?! I can't miss Little 500. It's the best. Walking around campus yelling "college" at unsuspecting students. You can't get much better than Little 500. My collegiate memories of Little 500 are scarce so I would like to make up for lost memories.

My solution: Challenge Notre Dame to a scrimmage on April 24. You can make this IU's spring game or keep the regular spring game the previous week and just play this as well. I think we can beat them too. They lost Frosted Tips Clausen and their backup quarterback tore his ACL last year. Not to mention their defense blows. I expect our offense to score at least 50 points. And that's just in the first half.

It would be great for everyone. We could all watch the Little 500 race and then head over to the stadium to defend the rock. I would probably tailgate for both events. I promise I will not try to fly a kite at the football game again. I will probably wear my Jorts though with it being Little 500 weekend and all.

Please let me know what you think of my idea. I look forward to hearing form you. GO HOOSIERS!


fromLynch, William Michael
toSasha Kaun <>
dateFri, Mar 5, 2010 at 2:00 PM
subjectRE: Spring Game


Interesting idea…Although NCAA rules would not allow the game…I appreciate all your support of IU football…Feel free to stop by the football office if you are in the North End Zone Facility…All the best!

Go Hoosiers!

Bill Lynch

Chingy's Greatest Hit

From: Sasha Kaun [mailto:]
Sent: Friday, February 26, 2010 12:50 PM
Subject: Message from


I am look for the new Chingy album "Chingy's Greatest Hit". Do you have
this album? I would very much like to purchase it. I heard it is one of
the best albums of the year. I heard it is filled with all his greatest
hit. Have you listened to it yet? Do you think it is better than Thriller?

Let me know.



dateMon, Mar 1, 2010 at 9:34 AM
subjectFW: Message from

Sorry we don't have that one right now. I have heard it though, and it is
better than Thriller.

Good luck on your search,


From: Sasha Kaun [mailto:]
Sent: Monday, March 01, 2010 11:25 AM
To: aolteam
Subject: Re: FW: Message from


What about any Nickelback albums that don't suck? Do you have any of these?



fromClassical Dept.
dateMon, Mar 1, 2010 at 5:37 PM
subjectRE: FW: Message from

Sorry I don’t think any of those exist.

Good luck.