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Friday, March 20, 2009

Marriage Counselor

fromSasha Kaun
dateThu, Mar 19, 2009 at 2:21 PM
subjectMarriage Counselor


My name is Sasha Kaun. I am 23 years old and was recently laid off from work. I have been trying to find a new job, but it is easier said then done. Therefore, I am thinking about getting married instead. Do you think this is a good idea? (Requirement: She must have a job.) I think it is and there are several reasons.

1. Health care. Both a job and a spouse will provide me with health care.
2. I think that about 50% of marriages end in divorce. However, 100% of my "real world" jobs ended in termination. I bet I can make the marriage last at least longer than the 7 months I was employed.
3. Being married allows me to sleep in during the day. I like this.
4. Usually when it is stated that you got screwed at work, it is bad. However, in general, when referring to screwing at home, this is a good thing.
5. In general, I would say that I would get more from a "divorce severance" than I would a work severance. (I will be sure not to sign a prenup).

Now, I won't be just hanging out during the day while she works. I am motivated. I can keep the house clean, run errands, buy groceries, watch the Price is Right, etc. Also, with this post-9/11 economy, it has been difficult to find a job. I think it might be easier for me to get married instead. Do you think this is a good idea? Please advise me. I look very much to hearing from you.

Thank you,
Sasha Kaun

toSasha Kaun
dateThu, Mar 19, 2009 at 3:18 PM
subjectRe: Marriage Counselor

Are you serious? Your email sounds like it has "joke" written all over it, but I will answer your questions nevertheless. If you are serious, I hope not to offend you too much.
The simple answer is no. I don't think it is a good idea. You should take this in the context of my bias about relationships and my focus in my work on relationships. I believe relationships are important to everyone and we should strive to have the healthiest relationships that we can in all aspects of our lives. Your purpose, it seems, is to find someone to support you. This in itself would not present a healthy foundation for a relationship.
Let me address your points.
1. Good point. It would provide reasonably priced health care in most cases to be married to someone who is employed with health care. As an independent professional, I benefit greatly from being able to access healthcare through my wife, who gets benefits through her employment.
2. Your statistics are relatively accurate (at least with divorce and I assume you know your own history). Nevertheless, developing and maintaining a healthy relationship requires a good deal of skill and commitment. It is not clear to me that you have either of those to the degree that you would be able to form a marriage, much less make one last.
3. Awesome. So do lots of jobs that require you to work at night. Perhaps you should consider a position in one of those jobs.
4. Very funny.
5. Divorce tends to be very expensive for most people and in my experience with couples who have divorced, both members of the couple usually come out of it feeling like it was more of a financial cost than benefit. Nevertheless, there are exceptions. But to be honest, I believe you will be hard put to attract the kind of person who is in the place to give you a good divorce settlement. They don't usually pay much attention to unemployed 23 year olds, much less marry them.
Again. I hope I have not offended. My guess is that my opinion, if really desired isn't that important to you in the long run. I am guessing that you will likely pursue this anyway if you are serious. If so, I would be fascinated to hear how it goes. I might suggest that you start with an ad in some of the free personals available, outlining your proposition. I would suggest you leave out the part about expecting a good divorce settlement. People get married for a lot of crazy reasons, but I'm guessing almost no one would get married for the purpose of providing someone a good divorce settlement.
I wish you the best. Please keep me informed as to how things progress for you.
Dr. Mark

Mark E. Sharp, Ph.D.
The Aiki Relationship Institute
1010 Jorie Boulevard, Suite 246
Oak Brook, IL 60523
(630) 230-6358
(630) 230-6359 (fax)

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